f1 ships that are real in the text but idrgaf

[sarcoline]

yes i got into f1 ten months ago no i do not care for any of the big government assigned yaoi—EXCEPT for 3316 fake ass made-up fake so fake it ends up being kinda real ship that is textually held together by the overblown cliche childhood rivals karting lore and max's retcon shoujo-tinted horse blinders charles love-vision. nonetheless i begrudgingly acknowledge respect the textual reality of canon relationships / friendships on the f1 grid bc i am a scholar first and foremost. so here are the ships that are "real" to me, i.e. have so much textual basis i would consider it canon, never said that it was good or that i liked it tho.

814 / landoscar — oscar piastri x lando norris
unfortunately very real. again i am a text respecter first and a fujo second so i have to acknowledge the evil and intimidating horse of landoscar whenever i want to get into oscar interiority, which is often as he is among my 3pick. despite my personal biases i do have eyes and can see every single one of oscar's He Only Got Two Eyes moments directed at his teammate and it's like. aughhh he genuinely likes him. lando's ditzy girl behavior works on him every single time it's actually ridiculous. there is probably soo much meta and groundwork there that i could get into if i really dug deep and opened my heart to the idea of lando norris interiority. but i will not be doing that ❤️ i will say that oscar is so beautiful when he is miserable and/or pining though bc he is lowkey highkey repressionpilled af. like it evokes an emotion sooo . within me. my candidate of choice for said anguish may not be ln4 but i will eat bc i know ball. wheel. whatever. 814 when it's about other people / a third person (mostly max) >>>

2363 / galex — alex albon x george russell
idgaf /pos /neutral i guess, galex is fine on its own, i think the childhood friends besties that do gay shit dynamic is okay if not a bit boring but i literally cannot throw any stones from my jmjn glass house… and i have enjoyed a few fics in the 2363 tag. they have rich lore and shared history they are so real possibly the realest on the grid like i don’t need any further convincing. it really kills me whenever george is asked any form of media content that requires him to name a guy he would pick to do xyz with and he dithers and plays coy for like five whole seconds before eventually saying alex. every single time. please. top 1 moment that came closest to moving me was probably when george refused to let alex downplay his injuries from the car and ended up showing the press the blood seeping through alex's suit on his back like ough the sports gore <3 don't mind if i do... though i do wish the contingent of galex nation that is sooo aggrieved about russtappen popularity would unclench a bit maybe 😂

5516 / charlos / c2 — carlos sainz x charles leclerc
rt random lecfosi on twt sainz is like that boyfriend you don’t like but unfortunately seems to really make your daughter happy… what can i say they simply don’t move me. one of my very first encounters with f1 yaoi rpf actually was someone sending me my own tweet about jaehyun and jaemin that a tumblr user had replaced with charles and carlos lol… which i had no context for at the time but looking back i suppose it is quite accurate. visually i have no problems with this ship like i wouldn't say im an anti... im charlos agnostic. weird baity competitiveness during their ferrari years notwithstanding... like maybe in an alternate universe i could open my heart but as it stands the overarching emotion is Why Are You Standing Where Myyy Shipp Should Be Standing. etc. paraphrasing roughly again from that one tumblr post but being a charles fan who doesn't care for carlos feels like saying jesus wouldn't stand for this meanwhile jesus is speeding down the highway in italy with his best friend carlos sainz. like it really is like that. also shipping rebealex while not caring for charlos is also like navigating a minefield given that most rebealex enjoyers are also charlos shippers... but not meeee. i believe in statistically independent cheating amongst couples <3

1016 / piarles — pierre gasly x charles leclerc
i’m happy that sharl has his #genuine #real emotional support childhood best friend. and usually i hate friendzoning ships bc hashtag #real #fujos can see ship in everything (well no i don’t think i believe that actually) but i’ll make an exception this time. like i do think the nicknames are cute... calamar 🦑 but ultimately no cp for me...

333 / maxiel — daniel ricciardo x max verstappen
SORRY… sorry. my many crimes along with being a lestappie include not giving a fuck about danric or maxiel. thank you for giving my prodigious daughter her gay awakening thank you for being the only teammate he ever really gave a fuck about but rt cindi "daniel ricciardo" is a fictional construct created by netflix to be the protag of early dts and the irrelevant backstory to the actual protag of f1 max verstappen… i’m kidding. no im not. in the end… thank you daniel for your sacrifices 🙏

1022 / yukierre — pierre gasly x yuki tsunoda
also seems to be really real ummm that’s none of my business though. rip yuki another maxeater victim 🕊️ unrelated to yukierre i did :chigua: at the apparent iciness between yuki and liam tho. now that's interesting.

554 / carlando — carlos sainz x lando norris
even more nothing to me given that idgaf sainz /neutral and dgaf norris /neg (well more /neutral-neg now that 2025 is over) but i am aware that they had the time of their lives being gay and mid at mclaren together... and sainz seems to always have nice words for lando.

1031(?) / estierre(?) — pierre gasly x esteban ocon
i dont know what this ship is called nor what order it is i kinda don’t care to find out either way but it does make me laugh when people refer to them as some kind of brocedes variant bc what made brocedes so crazy was that not only were they childhood best friends turned rivals turned [incomprehensible] but also championship contender teammates in a top team, at the front of the pack, battling ruthlessly for the title. like the championship fight was famously a very critical crucial part of why everything turned out the way it did, all of those elements combined are what made them so crazy toxic gas fumes hysteria affecting the grid with its ghostly presence a decade later!! whereas 1031 are dithering in backmarker hell fighting for p18 like girl that’s the battle of mid. like i understand they have real childhood besties to rival teammates lore but not everyone can be brocedes and we should thank god for that.

in summary here is a chart i made haphazardly on my ipad a few months ago:
more guys who are probably fucking and/or are very good friends 🙂:

• 275 / gabico — nico hulkenberg x gabi bortoleto: ummm yeah he's fucking that old man. the amount of groping i have been made to bear witness to is insane bruh. ik hulk and egle both freaks though so maybe everyone's exactly where they want to be. 
• 875 / beartoleto — ollie bearman x gabi bortoleto: tbh i don't know if they're fucking.. maybe they're just very good friends (or maybe ollie is strategically using gabi as an in to max's inner circle) but i do know they used to have beef bc they crashed into each other on iracing during covid when they were both in f4 and didn't speak to each other bc of it until f2 wijflskdfj the boysboysboys of it all. the point is they're more alive than bearnelli so. 😂
• 335 / vertoleto? — max verstappen x gabi bortoleto: max has been supporting gabi since f4 yadda yadda they simrace together and stream on twitch; he's the rookie with the closest relationship to him out of everyone else even though kimi is trying to superglue himself to max's side so badly every time they're in the paddock.  lol it's kinda looking like gabi is so greedy why does he get old man yaoi and same age yaoi and mentor/coach/wdc yaoi... leave some for the other guys too man...
• 812 / loscar — oscar piastri x logan sargeant: known to me as oscar's ex who died in f1 to go race sportscars in imsa or something. also seems/seemed real but definitely in the dead wife who died before the movie started category now.

as you can see the canonicity of a ship does not necessarily make me more inclined to ship it, there needs to be chemicals that induce mental illness within me and sometimes those are in canon ships and sometimes they are not. lower right corner is my sandbox i'm just having fun and playing... yes i did make an entire post about real ships i don't care for because while i am a text respecter first and foremost, i'm a born hater critic even before that. shopping for things i like at the things i don't like store is my passion...like what if i end up finding things i like. i haven't but what if i do.

🥹 also...

embarrassingly, i Do feel like i have to shoot myself every time i think about 3316 or charles or max or any permutation of them with other people together, like the loss of grip i experience whenever they invoke ship emotion within me seriously needs to be studied bc it has me simultaneously feeling fujophoria on levels unheard of and also thinking "we need to kill me. i need to be put down." which is why i have not yet made a post about f1 dynamics i like yet bc i know i will blow up and die before i even finish the 3316 part. they will literally be doing the bare minimum and i will be clapping and smiling and nodding and uncritically eating it up 😭 getting got by lestappen really does feel like losing chess to a dog. gorging myself on low hanging yaoislop fruit. it's so dire i catch myself smiling at the corniest cringiest ship content and being heart-touched by random shipbait every 2 business days. Big Lestappen induced psychosis is real.